I read an article on signs when to quit your job. The article gave 6 signs:

  1. You’re bored and uninspired.
  2. You don’t want to be your boss.
  3. It’s a manic Monday, everyday.
  4. You feel irrelevant.
  5. You’re stressed and eating. Or not eating.
  6. Courage.

So where am I on this? I would say 5 out of 6. I guess I’m lacking on the courage department.

Bored and uninspired. I’ve been with the company for four years. On my second year, I have already felt this except that an opportunity opened to me and I grabbed it. I loved it for a while. I’ve learned a lot in that short period of time. However, our volume was light compared with others and I usually find that I get to finish one week’s worth of work in one day. Eventually, the work load picked up, but I was already feeling uninspired. There seems to be no sense of direction with the work I’m doing. I have tried self-motivation but every step that I move forward, I fall to two steps back to depression. I feel like I’m in a quicksand.

You don’t want to be your boss. Unfortunately, yes. Not that they are bad bosses, no. Not at all. I actually admire them for their intelligence. Maybe I just had better examples. Or as my best friends said, that we have very high expectations of what a leader should be. After all, our point of comparison is a veteran journalist who can be considered as one of the pillars of Philippine Journalism. Sometimes, when I am struggling, I will always think of him and imagine what he would tell me if he knew my predicament. In life, we ask, ‘what would Jesus do?’ In addition to that, I would also ask myself, ‘what would Sir Gil say?’ Though right now, I can’t seem to figure out what he would tell me just when I need it the most.

Manic Monday, everyday. Lately, yes. Though in my case, it is reversed. It’s more like manic Fridays. Especially on night shifts. I like the morning shift better if only because I get to finish all my tasks without distractions. Plus, I get to live and sleep like a normal person. Night shift, however, is hellish. Completing all your deliverable in between meetings is a total struggle. Then there are times they will ask you for a report to be delivered pronto. Right. I can do magic but I’m not allowed to do so in the presence of Muggles.

You feel irrelevant. I think I’ve mentioned earlier that I can’t see a clear direction of where I am going or where the process I’m handling is going. If you’re doing the same thing over and over again two years later and there is no clear progress, you start to doubt the sense of what you’re doing.

You’re stressed and eating. I’m definitely stress-eating. I can’t seem to swallow my food but I am craving for sweets. I’ve been eating more than my usual dosage of sweets. I can’t eat proper food. I always seem to feel like throwing up or I feel full after a few bites – more than my normal, that is. And I can’t work in peace or function properly without chewing on a snack. I’m also on caffeine overdose. I drink 2-4 cups of coffee in an 8-hour shift. This isn’t healthy anymore.

Courage. This is what I lack because I can’t seem to have the courage to walk away. In the article, it said, “Work isn’t just there to pay the bills. It should be fun, challenging, and it should fill you with inspiration. If all of these red flags are present then have the courage to walk out of there. Work shouldn’t make you forget just how fabulous you are. Sometimes, quitting is okay.”  My heart wants to quit and the signs are pointing me in that direction but my mind is concerned about bills and being a burden to my parents.  I can no longer impose on them.

Every day, for the past couple of months, I dread to go to work. There are probably a million times I’ve thought of an excuse to not go to work if not for my guilty conscience. There are days I just wish I’d never wake up.

I just feel so lost and without options. I need options. The moment I get one, I’d be gone faster than the speed of light.