Last April 20, I decided to finally apply for the QA Analyst position I have been eyeing for quite some time. My intention was to update my resume and get the online application account ready. I did not plan to submit my application that day. I was planning on sending it the day before the deadline so I was surprised with myself when I did. The moment I did so, I wanted to take it back.

On Tuesday, April 23rd, I received an invite for the initial interview on April 24th. I believe I wasn’t able to sleep at all thinking what questions would be asked and what answers I should give. I have been preparing for all sorts of questions and was relieved that the initial interview was just that, basic questions. They scheduled me for a panel interview on Friday, April 26th, afterwards.

It was my birthday on the 25th so I was on leave that day and the following day. I don’t think I was able to get a restful sleep while I waited for the interview. On Friday morning, my stomach was turning and twisting and I have been questioning myself what I have gotten myself into. I went to the office around 10pm because the interview was at 11pm. My hands were cold and I think I almost backed out. I really hate interviews, they give me butterflies in my stomach. I always feel nervous, no matter how many times I have done this before. This is, however, quite different as I am no longer applying for the usual CSR post. Rather, this is a bit of an upgrade compared to all of the other positions I’ve held.

I think, of all the questions I have prepared myself to answer, only 10% was asked. Mostly, the questions were centered on given situations and how I would address certain issues related to the position I was applying for. Some questions really caught me off guard and I did not really know how to answer them. As their questions were quite specific, I felt that I answered them vaguely becaue I didn’t really know how to give them a clear answer. I have never been a QA Analyst before and my knowlegde on the position is quite limited. The schedule was for a 30 minute interview but when I checked my watch after it was over, we were talking for an hour. Not only that, all of them were guys. There was one girl but she left early on and I was left with 3 men which was really uncomfortable. Yeah, I get nervous around guys. No, actually, I get nervous around people. Though I thought they were nice and all and tried to make me comfortable, I was just all nerves throughout. Anyway, there I was, trying to sound confident with my answers. I tried to answer as honestly as I could and as best as I could muster. I remember Yannie reminding me never to start my sentence with “I think” and I can proudly say it only slipped off my tongue once throughout the interview. I swear that I felt drained afterwards. Towards the end, they asked if I have any questions. I prepared questions to ask since I have read that it is important to do so when they ask you to ask them a question. (That really sounded redundant… but what the heck!) But all the questions I’ve prepared totally slipped off my mind. I could no longer muster enough energy to come up with anything because I really feel like fainting. So, they told me instead that once they have interviewed everyone who applied, an email will be sent notifying us if we succeeded or not. They joked that you will either receive an email of regret or otherwise. Though I think that joke was half meant. Or probably not even a joke.

I went home after that a bit depressed. I had a bad feeling that I botched the whole thing and I feel like crying. I comforted myself with the thought that I tried. At least, I will not have any regrets in the future. And that my fate is in God’s hands.

So, on Monday morning, I find myself going to work as usual. My long weekend is over. That Saturday, I watched Iron Man 3 with my friends and had some post birthday dinner with them. On Sunday, I bought concert tickets to CNBLUE’s Blue Moon Tour — which was an added stress on the Interview I had that Friday. I think the stress took its toll and I found myself in a salon. I had a haircut and some hair treatment, and a long overdue nail care. So I was working last Monday when I received an email requesting for a meeting with the QA Lead and Manager who said that they need to discuss my application with them.

At 5 minutes to 2am, I went down to the 9th floor and met with them. There was a good news and a bad news. The bad news is that they needed someone already trained in the process for the position I was applying for. The good news, however, is that there is an opening for a new process and they wanted to know if I would still be willing to pursue it despite that. Of course, I said yes!

I found myself leading my hiring manager to talk with my supervisor and manager to talk about how I would transition from my current process to them. Even now, I still find myself in shock. They said something about being impressed with me during the interview. I restrained myself from asking but I really wanted to ask, “Seriously!?” Really, I don’t see anything impressive about me during that interview. If they really meant it though, that’s really be great. If it was just said as a way to comfort me but did not mean to be really true, well, thanks for not saying otherwise. I really think there is a lot that I need to learn from that interview. For one thing, if in case I would ever find myself applying again for a position I know nothing about, it would be a good point to do an extensive research first so that I would at least have a better idea how to address their questions.

I am still waiting for an update regarding my status on this application. I haven’t received any solid or specific instructions on how to proceed from where I am right now. I think my manager is still waiting for the job offer that would be coming from the Talent Acquisition team. My current team, in the meantime, has already hired a replacement for me but she is still in training. Until a certain time, I would still be with my current team. I have always known that we can’t stay the way we are forever, but the thought of leaving did bring some sadness. Though I know they are happy for me, it doesn’t change the fact they they have been like family for the past 2 years and no matter where life brings us, I would still miss their company. We may not always see eye to eye but the idea that you have people who has your back has always been a source of comfort. And now, I have to go out of that comfort zone and face a new challenge and some new uncertainties.

Some days, I still feel like this is a dream and I would wake up and find that this never really happened. Some days, I feel like it’s happening too fast and I am scared and apprehensive, asking myself what would happen or what would I do if I don’t meet their expectations. Change and failure are scary thoughts. It’s a whole new environment and I am in doubt of myself sometimes. I find myself asking, “am I ready for this?” or “am I prepared for this?” At the same time, I know that I really wanted this. I have been wanting this for the longest time and my usually laid back self is still in shock with the courage it took me to click on the submit button. I thought then that if I don’t take the risk now, the chance might pass me by and I would regret it my whole life.