Starting all over again in a new workplace always entails a lot of adjustments.  Meeting new people and getting to know them all over again.  It’s not really one of my strong points as I’ve always been the quiet one.  Add to this, the stress of training and lack of sleep.  I started missing a lot of people.  I miss the people I used to work with.  My friends, my teammates. And of course, my crushie.  I guess it’s only now that everything that happened for the past seven  – eight months has finally sunk into me.  And there are regrets somewhere there.

Mostly, I miss crushie.  Maybe because I haven’t seen him for several months now and I don’t know if I will ever see him again.  I miss bumping into him in the corridor or the hallway, then he’d smile or say “hi!” to me.  I miss being able to sit nearby his work station just so I can get a glimpse of him.  I miss it when I’m taking calls and he’d suddenly be right there behind me, appearing out of nowhere.  I miss missing him when he’s not there.  I miss his sense of humour.  That’s the first thing that I noticed about him and the main reason I’ve got a crush on him. I also miss his smile.  He’s got this really nice smile that will light up any room he’s in. I think I’m missing him a lot more right now because there is this one person who keeps occupying my mind.  He is so far from crushie in terms of character and personality.  I don’t even like him, and so I hate the fact that he keeps popping into my head.  He’s the kind of guy that will only break your heart.  I feel so alone I could not even confide it to anyone.  Because if it comes out of my mouth, it will become official.  And I don’t want to feel that way towards him.  I want to suppress that feeling before it becomes full blown and I’ll get hurt in the process.  I had to.  Life’s complicated as it is.  Life with crushie before was simple, uncomplicated.  With this guy, it could get messy.  So, I’ll never say it.  Never, never, never.  If you say it thrice, it means you meant it.  So, it’s nothing, it’s nothing, it’s nothing.

I also miss the friends I made on my short stay in my previous account.  I miss the feeling of being connected with each other.  The sense of companionship.  Right now, where I am, lacks that certain warmth of camaraderie.  Sometimes, it feels so cold I feel like freezing to death.  I don’t know if I’d feel at home with them at all.  It’s like I’m a spectator outside their world.

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